Deb's Newsletter
Shifting Gears |
October 25th, 2009 |
|
EMPOWER YOURSELF Shifting Gears “Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life’s too short to be anything…but happy.” Unknown I just returned home from a vacation with my husband. It was an awesome holiday; however, it could have turned out quite differently had I let it, as it had several key ingredients required for a big bowl of disaster. A few months ago my husband Clyde, organized a 5-day cycling tour for us, travelling through The Sonoma Valley and The Napa Valley in California. He arranged this with a bike tour company, who helped to set up the route, the distance and type of terrain we wanted to cycle. They arranged our bed and breakfasts along our tour and picked up our luggage each day and had it waiting for us at the B & B in the next town. Clyde is a very experienced road bike cyclist, but me, not so much. He told the tour company that we wanted to cycle 100 – 125km daily, and to incorporate some hills in our terrain. I felt that this distance would be too much, after all, we were on holiday’s, but Clyde was confident we (I) could do it. We were excited! Finally, our departure day was upon us, but it did not start off well. While packing the night before, to my horror, I could not find the American money that we had taken out over the previous 2 months. You see, I have several “hiding spots”, but the money was in none of the usual places. I kept this to myself for the first couple of hours, as I didn’t want to stress out Clyde. Eventually I had to tell him, as I needed help finding it. It was a significant amount of money, so the panic was on. We spent half of the night and most of the next morning looking, but nothing. We had wanted to leave our house by 10AM, but because of the hunt we didn’t leave until 3:30PM. Then it was off to the bank to get, yes, MORE money as we never found it. Not a good start, however, with some effort I was able to let it go (as I couldn’t do anything more about it) so that it wouldn’t put a damper on our vacation. On the morning of day 3 of our drive from Winnipeg to California, we woke up to a dark and rainy day in Utah. Within 20 minutes and in the mountains, the rain quickly turned into snow. Thick, heavy, wet snow was coming down so fast that we could not see 3 feet past our car. Within minutes of the “white-out” cars and semi’s had pulled over to the side of the road or has slipped or jack-knifed off the interstate. One lane was suddenly snow covered and impassable. It was the worst snow storm that we had ever driven through and it just happened to be in the mountains. We chose to keep driving, very slowly behind a semi, as our cycling tour started the next day so we didn’t want to be delayed. The storm subsided after about one hour, but I don’t know who had whiter knuckles, me or Clyde. Finally, with the long drive behind us, the morning of our bike tour was upon us. The tour company rep picked us up to drive us to our first departure point. Before jumping on our bikes, she showed us a map with our routes charted out for the next 5 days. She commented that we must be experienced riders as the route we (Clyde) chose was “fairly aggressive”. Now, she was a tri-athlete, so it concerned me when she said, “fairly aggressive”. But, I trusted Clyde’s judgment on what I could and couldn’t handle, so off we went, riding into the beautiful mountains and the valleys. 10 minutes into the ride, we encountered what would be the first of many, many climbs. This one had an 8% grade, which at the time meant nothing to me. After all, I’m a prairie girl. My idea of climbing hills is maneuvering potholes! However, quickly I discovered that I did not like 8% grades as I could not finish the climb on my bike. I had to walk my bike up and believe me, this 20 minutes was tough enough. Once this climb was complete, I was exhausted, but Clyde assured me that this was the steepest climb of the day. Okay, “press on. I can do this” I told myself. I didn’t want to let my husband down as he had been dreaming of a cycling vacation all of his adult life. I will persevere. However, my determination quickly waned as the terrain was very up and down and I struggled to keep up with Clyde. I was not having fun. Two hours into our 5 day tour I was exhausted! We stopped for a lunch break and took a look at the map for an alternate route to our first B & B stop. We found another route that still had some hills, but not as challenging as the route that we were on. Terrific! I was relieved. What we didn’t know was that the road was a very narrow and winding single-lane road with no shoulder and lots of traffic. Initially we thought that we had made a good choice to change routes, but we turned out to be very wrong. It turned out to be one of the scariest and most stressful 2 hours of my life. I still needed to walk my bike up a few steep hills. The difference now was that there was no shoulder in which to walk my bike and the road was extremely narrow. Off the edge of the road was a cliff that dropped down 50 feet or so, so even when riding my bike it was difficult to negotiate all the twists and turns as cars were whizzing by so close I could feel their breeze. The last big climb on this road was fairly steep, but it was a very long climb. As I walked my bike up the hill for about 30 minutes, I prayed that a car would not leave me behind as road kill. Once I got to the top of the hill I was so relieved to see the decline about to start. HALLELUAH!!! We started to descend. Ahh, much better; it was almost fun. Then we started going faster and faster and faster. I squeezed my brakes harder and harder just too slow down to a manageable speed. If I let up on my brakes even a bit I went too fast and found it difficult to handle my bike. All the while the cars were zooming by and I felt that I was hanging on for dear life. Every ounce of strength that I had was squeezing my brakes, but this was exhausting and I didn’t think that I could hold on much longer. My speed was up to 45km and I just held on for dear life and prayed. At the bottom of the hill I was finally able to slow down enough to come to a stop; at which time I completely fell apart. All of the tension and stress in my body came pouring out. I was straddling my bike in the middle of The Sonoma Valley sobbing uncontrollably. Clyde just stood there, not knowing what to do or say. Once I was able to speak I just told him that I was done cycling and that I wanted a divorce. I managed to cycle the rest of the way to our B & B even though the tears were still falling. As I rode I realized that I had 3 choices: 1. Quit (give up, fail) 2. Persevere (I’m tough, push through, pride, didn’t want to disappoint Clyde) 3. Change gears (revise route for rest of tour, ask for help, swallow pride) Even though quitting at the time was very appealing, it was not an option. Did I keep going and tough it out (I can do anything), or do I accept defeat? I didn’t have to make the decision as Clyde made it for me. As soon as we arrived at the B & B he called the tour company and told her that we needed to revise our route and the level of riding difficulty. She told Clyde that she would work on a new route that evening and meet us the following morning to review. At dinner that night, I still felt somewhat defeated, although glad to be alive. I kept on apologizing to Clyde for ruining his much anticipated cycling holiday – for letting him down. I should have trained more. I should have been in better shape. I should be stronger. With the help of a lovely glass of red wine, I began to realize how my pity party had not only put a damper on the day but was also ruining our dinner. Those darn “should have’s”. Time for a reality check. “Why was I being so hard on myself? Why was I feeling like such a failure? Why did I assume that I had ruined my husband’s holiday?” In reality, all of this was just made up and stuck in my head. The feeling of failure and of letting Clyde down was nothing more than nonsense in my mind. I, like a lot of people, want to look good to others and to exceed already high self-expectations. In reality, Clyde was very proud of my cycling ability and was happy to revise the route so that we both could enjoy it more. He didn’t think less of me. He was happy to just be cycling in this paradise with me and it didn’t matter how many hills we climbed or how many kilometers we rode. He reminded me that nobody was keeping score. I made the decision to accept my cycling ability and to instead be proud and happy of what I could do. The remaining 4 days of cycling through the vineyards was FANTASTIC! We were able to enjoy the beautiful scenery, to relax and to visit several wineries along the way. Accepting my limitations lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. A smile was glued on my face for the next 4 days. I think that a lot of us are so concerned with pleasing others or living up to high expectations that we continuously experience unhappiness and struggle in our life. However, there is no score keeper, so why not change gears or revise your plan so that you can experience happiness and everything will run much smoother? If I wasn’t able to challenge myself to do this on my vacation, the outcome would have been much different. Now home, safe and sound, I can reflect on the shift in thinking that I was able to achieve on my vacation. I don’t think that I would have been able to do this a few years ago, as I wasn’t nearly as self-accepting. Live, learn and grow, that’s what it’s all about. Thanks to my wonderful husband who helped me to change my “stinkin thinkin” on the tour and who helps me everyday to feel good about myself. By the way, I still haven’t found the money, but I’m not worried about it …… (much)! EMPOWER YOURSELF – Try this: 1. What can you let go of? What is your first step to achieve this? 2. Is there something getting in your way of you happiness and easy living? Identify one thing and make a plan to change it. Or, give me a call and coaching can help you with this process! COACHING WORKSHOPS Location: The Forks Market Boardroom – 7PM – 9PM Oct. 27, 2009 – Create Your Own Vision Board If you can see, you can achieve it! Vision boards are a simple but powerful way to make your dreams come true. Create a beautiful visual representation of your life goals and a vivid picture of what you want in your life. Included in the workshop are all the supplies necessary, PLUS, your vision board will be created on an “Everyday Display” from Creative Memories. This is a gorgeous frame with a fabric colored magnetic board inside. The frame comes with decorative magnets as well as a decorative ribbon and peg for hanging. Frames available in weathered-look chocolate brown, weathered-look white or weathered-look black. Color must be chosen at time of booking and payment. Supplies in the chocolate are limited, so order early. (cost of frame is $83.00) Nov. 24, 2009 - Say “NO” More Do you want more space in your life? You will leave with techniques to incorporate into your life that will leave you with so much free time you won’t know what to do with it all. Jan. 19, 2010 – Want More? What do you want more of? What do you want less of? Set goals for making positive changes in your life and / or career. Investment (must be paid at time of booking by cheque or credit card) All 3 workshops - $175.00 Individual workshops - $39.00 Individual vision board workshop - $109.00 To reserve your spot email Deb Raven at LifeIsWhatYouMakeIt@mts.net or call 257-4240. Seating is limited so please book early. |
|
Past Newsletters:
August 31st, 2010 - Never Say Never
May 5th, 2010 - I Can't
April 8th, 2010 - Let It Go
March 12th, 2010 - Life Is Good
February 8th, 2010 - Don't Miss Out on This One!
More Past Newsletters