Deb's Newsletter
My Meditation Retreat Story |
September 27th, 2009 |
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EMPOWER YOURSELF “I’ve come to believe that all my past failures and frustrations were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” Anthony Robbins WARNING – VERY LONG NEWSLETTER (GRAB A COFFEE OR A GLASS OF WINE) Well I did it! The 12 day meditation retreat (10 days of noble silence) is over. I survived, but barely. It was an experience like none other and quite frankly, not sure I would do again. People have been very curious about my adventure, so I tell my story here. Please keep in mind that everyone’s experience with a meditation course is different, so this is just my point of view and perspective. It’s Sunday at 1pm and I’m ready to go. I pick up two strangers who need a ride to the course which is located just outside of Beausejour, Manitoba (1 hour away). One was a 21 year old girl who was presently unemployed and on a quest to get to know herself. The other was a man who was on a continuous spiritual journey in his retirement and was exploring many different modalities in his quest. We had different yet similar reasons for going to the meditation course; self-discovery, personal challenge, spiritual learning, being one with nature, searching for answers. Me, I’m not sure why I felt so compelled to go. Certainly the personal challenge played a part, but beyond that, I really wasn’t sure. I had no other expectations for the course other than I knew that it would be life-changing. There were about 40 course participants – male and female, young and old. In addition, there were approximately 10 staff members (volunteers), who did the cooking, managed the participants and taught the course. Because there were more females in the course than males, 8 female participants had to pitch a tent outside instead of staying inside the dorms. I was one of those. By 5pm we had checked in, pitched our tents in the rain and settled into clearly not our space, but mosquito territory. The little creatures (the size of small children) were not happy their space was now being shared. We truly had to work at “getting along”, as the Resource Centre we were at has a “no kill” policy, which includes even the nasty creatures. I found myself breaking the rules very early. I do not own a tent, nor sleeping bag or an air mattress. I was fortunate to have a friend lend me her equipment, for which I am grateful. However, after my tent was up I saw that I was going to be extremely cozy as it was a one person tent. Then I realized that I had a suitcase and two bags to put inside. Clearly, that was not happening. The resolution was to put my bags inside the house manager’s room inside the dorm, which meant anytime I wanted something from my bag I had to go inside her room. This was going to be challenging. At dinner, I got lucky. One of the mangers asked the group who had the small tent. He told me that it would be quite difficult to live in such small quarters for 12 days, so he had a solution. One of the female participants inside the dorm had decided to go home (foresight?) Her bed was given to a lady in another tent, but whose tent was a very large 6 person tent, supplied by the manager. He offered these luxurious accommodations to me. Much better! My bags fit inside and I could stand up and get dressed instead of wriggling on top of my sleeping bag. Maybe this would be okay after all? (No offence to you and your tent Jodi!) After dinner the lay of the land was explained as well as the “rules”. A sample of such follow: 1. Nobel silence started at 8pm that night and would be carried out for 10 days. Nobel silence meant no communication of any kind – no speaking, no gestures, no body language, no eye contact. It was suggested to keep your head down at all times, like a Monk. The experience was all about focusing on yourself with a minimal amount of distractions. 2. Cell phones were locked up by management to avoid temptation. 3. No books, music or writing material allowed. 4. No exercise except for walking within the course boundary. 5. Men and women were segregated in all areas, inside and out. Outside these areas were clearly marked by boundary ropes. 6. If there were any problems or concerns you could speak (quietly) to the house manager at any time. 7. If you had meditation questions you could talk to the teacher during specific times of the day. 8. No food allowed except for the 3 meals served daily in the dining hall. This part was a highlight as the food was delicious and nutritious. It was served buffet style and you could have as much as you wanted. Breakfast at 6:30am was oatmeal, prunes, apples, oranges, bananas, toast, juice, coffee and tea. Yummy! Lunch at 11am was a salad served with some sort of vegetarian side, like rice dishes, home-made soup or tofu. Supper at 5pm was an apple, orange or banana with tea. Light – yes. But when all you do all day is sit, it was plenty of fuel. 9. There were 3 times during the day that you had to be inside the meditation hall for group meditation and course teachings. (6 hours per day). The rest of the time you had the choice of meditating in the hall or in your “room” 10. Rise at 4am (by a gentle bell) and bed at 9:30pm. Simple enough you say? Not really; it was exhausting! The goal in Vipassana meditation is to clear the thoughts in your head so that you can experience the sensations (energy vibrations) in your body. I found this extremely challenging and tiring, as I was fighting with my mind for 8 hours a day. My mind would clear for 10 seconds then Boom – thoughts would re-enter. 15 seconds – Boom, more thoughts, strange thoughts, random thoughts. It felt like the harder I tried the more cluttered my mind got. It was a continuous battle. Back to the rules. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t like rules too much. So, throughout the 12 days I broke quite a few. What I didn’t know was that you got “heck” for breaking them. After 4 or 5 times of getting my wrist slapped, (Debra, you are not allowed to …”), I felt like a kid again with my Mom getting annoyed with me, (“Debra…”). Of course I presumed that everyone got into some sort of trouble during the course, as it was impossible not to. After the silence was broken I was shocked however to find out that most had not. Some things never change! The first few days of silence were relatively easy. I noticed that the only times that I felt the urge to speak was when I wanted to complain. “Oh my gosh, isn’t the weather horrible? Isn’t the mud getting to you? It’s so noisy at night I can hardly sleep. There are a million aunts crawling on me in the meditation hall”, etc, etc, etc. Realizing that I had this compelling urge to complain (misery loves company), really took me my surprise. I didn’t think that I was a complainer. So, even though the urge to talk was strong, I really didn’t have anything to say at all. I wondered how often this happened. I usually think that I have very important things to say, but this made me take a step back and revaluate my importance… The not talking was fairly difficult, but the most challenging was the no eye contact. We are social beings so we speak volumes through our eyes. It was really difficult to sit and eat a meal without looking at anyone or even acknowledging their presence at the table. It felt like I was being so rude. Putting the difficulties of being silent and getting into trouble aside, I had a shocking revelation about myself that I am not very proud of – how much I judge people. Spending every waking moment with the same people for 12 days, I felt like I got to know them quite well. I’m a pretty good judge of character and fairly intuitive about people. In silence, I pretty much had everyone figured out – the crazy lady, the thug, the wacky old man, the messed up young person. Since I am such a good judge of character, I had decided that I didn’t like the majority of these people. After the silence was lifted on the 11th day after a meditation session, small groups of people had gathered outside the hall to chat. I did not want to talk to these people. They were of no use to me as I had decided that I didn’t have much in common with them, therefore, did not like them. I walked by the first group without even making eye contact. I was walking by the second group and had just about made it past them, when one of the ladies touched my arm and asked me to join them. Hesitantly, I stopped to join the group. Even though I was standing with a group of people, I certainly was not engaged in the group. I was not like these people. I felt that they were all a little strange. I stood with the group for about 30 minutes outside but interacted little. I found myself being very stand-offish. When everyone was going into the dining hall for lunch, I went, but I knew I just wanted to eat and get out of there and go back to my tent. I was exhausted. I had neither desire nor energy to get to know these people. Then slowly, something strange happened – I started to enjoy the conversations I was having with others. I was laughing. I was interacting. I was having fun getting to know these people. I wanted to know more about them. They were nice, good people. It took me a while to accept that fact that I had been so wrong and that these people were just like me – curious, wanting to grow and learn and discover more about themselves. They weren’t freaky after all. Quickly, this make me think about how many other times in my life that am I judgmental? How often do I write people off merely by making assumptions? How often do I negatively judge people if they are not like me? Since the silence was lifted throughout the remainder of that day and the next morning, the need to be there was questioned. Everyone just wanted to go home as we were all tired and longing to see our families. The teachers explained to us that the 20 hours of being together in non-silence was important, as we had to get acclimatized to being social once again. We also had to get used to outside stimuli distracting us. Again, this was really difficult to understand when I just wanted to go home, talk to my family and sleep. I asked to leave that night instead of staying until the morning as I was golfing in a tournament the next day at noon and wanted time to get ready. I asked, but they would not allow me to go home 10 hours early. I wasn’t real happy about this “confinement”, but stayed until the end. In hindsight, I now realize the value of this non-silence day. If I didn’t have this time I would not be able to reflect on the experience as I now can. I also would have left the course with an attitude that definitely needed a tune-up. I have been back for exactly one month today and have only just recently been able to see past all the challenges of the course and allow myself to feel the positive changes and shift in attitude that I have made since my return. As a result, some of my behavior has changed (or is at least is a work in progress): 1. Just like my Mom told me, “If you don’t have anything good to say don’t say anything at all.” Our society complains way too much. Why do we think that our misery has to be shared? What gives us the right to poison others with our negativity? 2. Everything we do in life is our choice to do so. Accept and embrace this and everything magically gets easier. 3. Don’t judge a book by its cover. 4. Just because others may be different than you (thank goodness for that), doesn’t mean that you are better than them. 5. The only person that you can change is you. 6. There is always room for more personal growth. 7. Believe in yourself. You can do anything. “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Philip Larkin In conclusion, I am very thankful that I took the time to learn Vipassana Meditation and to challenge myself to 11 days of silence. The silence allowed me to look within, instead of out. The conditions challenged me very close to the edge, but I did not give up. I told the teacher on the 8th day that I was leaving as I couldn’t take it anymore and she talked me out of it. She told me that leaving would be like getting off of an operating table in the middle of an operation and “fixing” the rest yourself. For this, I am thankful as it allowed me to complete the experience and I now have been able to reflect on the positive instead of the negative. Of course, for continued growth and acceptance, practice at home is recommended – one hour in the morning and one hour at night. I haven’t made time yet to fit this into my daily schedule but who knows, maybe one day I will. I would recommend this course to anyone who would like a personal challenge to really get to know themselves. It not always pretty, but very valuable. I feel triumphant in the challenge and now have some awareness for change. I believe that awareness the key to change. I believe that silence is golden. I now believe more in myself. To learn more about Vipassana Meditation and the course, go to http://www.dhamma.org. If you are reading this, you read the entire article. Thank you for taking the time to do so. My purpose in sharing this experience is partly therapeutic, but I also hope to inspire you to take risks and chances and believe in yourself. Whether this is with a silent meditation course or with reading, exercising, journaling, loving, forgiving or just taking action in your life, you are worth it. I would love to see you at one of my fall workshops, the first of which takes place this Tuesday, Sept. 29. Please see below for details and let me know if you would like to be registered. FYI, I only have a couple of spots available for the vision board workshop on Oct. 27, so if you would like to attend, please register ASAP. Thank you for your continued support! Deb Raven COACHING WORKSHOPS Location: The Forks Market Boardroom – 7PM – 9PM Sept. 29, 2009 – Focus & Clarity You will leave with a clear definition of what success means to you and how to focus on your strengths. Oct. 27, 2009 – Create Your Own Vision Board If you can see, you can achieve it! Vision boards are a simple but powerful way to make your dreams come true. Create a beautiful visual representation of your life goals and a vivid picture of what you want in your life. Included in the workshop are all the supplies necessary, PLUS, your vision board will be created on an “Everyday Display” from Creative Memories. This is a gorgeous frame with a fabric colored magnetic board inside. The frame comes with decorative magnets as well as a decorative ribbon and peg for hanging. Frames available in weathered-look chocolate brown, weathered-look white or weathered-look black. Color must be chosen at time of booking and payment. Supplies in the chocolate are limited, so order early. (cost of frame is $83.00) Nov. 24, 2009 - Say “NO” More Do you want more space in your life? You will leave with techniques to incorporate into your life that will leave you with so much free time you won’t know what to do with it all. Jan. 19, 2010 – Want More? What do you want more of? What do you want less of? Set goals for making positive changes in your life and / or career. Investment (must be paid at time of booking by cheque or credit card) All 4 workshops - $209.00 3 workshops (not including the vision board workshop) - $109.00 Individual workshops - $39.00 Individual vision board workshop - $109.00 To reserve your spot email Deb Raven at LifeIsWhatYouMakeIt@mts.net or call 257-4240. Seating is limited so please book early. |
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Past Newsletters:
August 31st, 2010 - Never Say Never
May 5th, 2010 - I Can't
April 8th, 2010 - Let It Go
March 12th, 2010 - Life Is Good
February 8th, 2010 - Don't Miss Out on This One!
More Past Newsletters
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