Deb's Newsletter
Own Worst Enemy |
November 5th, 2008 |
|
EMPOWER YOURSELF Own Worst Enemy “The thing that is really hard and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning to work on becoming yourself.” Anna Quindler In my continuous journey to really get to know myself, as well as the journey that I support others with as their coach, I am often left to wonder why we are so critical of ourselves. Why do we strive to be so perfect? Why are we understanding and forgiving of other’s mistakes but not our own? Why do we care so much about what other people think of us? This troubles me on several different levels. First, because there is no such thing as perfect, how do we define what that is? How do we measure it? Second, who is the judge? At the end of the day, we all only have ourselves to look back at us in the mirror. Third, if we are so concerned with perfectionism, we will never push ourselves outside of our comfort zone to try new things. What a shame that is! Everyday I talk to people who pride themselves in doing a good job, excelling in their field, going above and beyond the call of duty, impressing others. Great! Good for them. However, this may also be a double edged sword. These people may then expect the same degree of perfectionism in all other areas of their life, which is virtually impossible. But, we keep trying; to have the perfect home, family, relationships, meals, clothes, ideal weight, etc. etc. We can’t do it all, but we feel as though we SHOULD be able to. That is when we become critical of ourselves, which leads to feelings of failure. The couple of areas that we have not “perfected” over-shadow all of the other accomplishments. Pity. I am currently doing some research on strategies to maximize strengths and minimize weaknesses. Such a seemingly simple concept, but we are not conditioned to think this way. For example, when our child comes home from school with his report card and has 2 A’s, 2 B’s and 1 F, what do we focus on? Yes! Most people focus on the F, as it is “not acceptable”. But, studies have shown that you grow most in your areas of strength – so why not focus on that instead of the weaknesses? Let’s think about this concept a little further. What if we focused on our employees strengths instead of dwelling on their weaknesses? What if we focused our attention on the great things our children do, instead of all the things they don’t do? What if we only focused on our own strengths and spent no more time or energy on our weaknesses? The outcome of the above would be amazing! We would all feel more productive, challenged, appreciated, less stressed and stronger. Feeling stronger leads to gaining more control of your thoughts and actions. This in turn leads to more feeling of accomplishments and less on perfection. This leads to greater self-confidence to try new things and to give ourselves permission to make mistakes. Easier said than done – no doubt! I still struggle with this one at times, but I know that I, like all of you, are a work in progress. So, go and intentionally make a mistake (just a small one). See how it feels and how you react. Remember that feeling. Then before you go to bed that night, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “It’s okay not to be perfect. I’m me, and that’s good enough.” This month… 1. Make a list of what you are most self-critical of. 2. Why do you need to be so perfect in those areas? 3. What does it say about you if you do not do something perfectly? 4. What is perfectionism holding you back from trying? Empower Yourself – Try This: Have a heart to heart discussion with yourself about your need to be perfect. Don’t judge, just talk. Figure out what areas in your life you would be willing to let go of perfection – let’s say for example a clean, tidy and clutter free home. You are willing to give up the idea of perfection in this area – forever. You are not saying that you want to live in a dirty messy house, but perhaps just lower your standard of cleanliness. Or, you could even solicit the help of other family members to help, or my personal favorite – hire a cleaning service and NOT clean the house before they come! Just let go of some conditioned way of thinking of how you are “supposed” to be, which usually falls into the Super Human category. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Have fun with that. Venture outside of your comfort zone. If you don’t, you will never know what you’ve been missing. I am thankful and I am blessed to have all of you reading what I want to share. The messages come from my heart, and I am lucky to have the opportunity to share them. Thank you. I would like to let all of you know about a brand new mini-coaching package that I am offering for a limited time only for those who have not yet experienced coaching. The objectives of the two, 45 minute sessions are as follows: 1st Session – To get clear on what you would like to change and how I can support you. - Set up an action plan to implement small changes. 2nd Session (2 weeks later) – Provide accountability for making these changes. - Uncover any blocks or barriers that stood in your way. - Develop an action plan to maintain changes. This special offer is available for a limited time for only $99.00. If you’ve always thought about trying coaching, here is your chance. Please call me to book your sessions. It just may be the catalyst for changes that you would like to make. Let it be the start of something good just for you! What do you want more of? Blessings to all, Deb Raven – Mentor for More Life Is What You Make It 204-257-4240 |
|
Past Newsletters:
December 18th, 2008 - The Most Wonderful (Stressful) Time of the Year
November 5th, 2008 - Own Worst Enemy
October 7th, 2008 - The "P" Word
August 14th, 2008 - Forgiveness
July 10th, 2008 - Who Are You?
More Past Newsletters