Deb's Newsletter
Forgiveness |
August 14th, 2008 |
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EMPOWER YOURSELF Forgiveness “Forgiveness means letting go of the past.” Gerald Jampolsky Have you ever made a mistake? I’m not talking about everyday mistakes like adding up your check book incorrectly or forgetting to put gas in the car, but a real costly mistake? When I say costly, I’m talking about hurting, or potentially hurting someone else. Not physically, and perhaps not even intentionally, but, with the potential for devastating effects. I have. I’m sure that I have made many mistakes of this nature throughout my life, but I made one recently, which really shook me up. As I have said many times before, I believe that awareness is the key to change. There must be awareness of your thoughts and / or actions in order to want change. This is key! However, it isn’t always easy, as it means really looking at and being honest with yourself. This is difficult. It is much easier to just avoid it. Most of us use avoidance techniques all of the time. Some examples are: 1. “I can’t do that job. I’m not good enough”. Avoiding: fear of failure 2. “I’ve tried every diet and nothing works”. Avoiding: why you over- eat 3. “I’m everyone’s friend, but I can’t find someone to take it to the next level with”. Avoiding: self-esteem or commitment issues Because we are so conditioned to look for an easy answer, we avoid doing some difficult work on ourselves. First, we need to look at ourselves so that we are aware of the issue and why it’s an issue. Then, we can find solutions to overcome the problem and ultimately, forgive ourselves. Here is my mistake; I passed judgment on a person I didn’t even know. I saw this person briefly, made negative assumptions about her, then told the first person (who I knew would meet her), that she was a “shifty” person, not to be trusted and who lacked credibility. How terrible you must be thinking! Well it was, but at the time, I believed it to be true. A couple of days later, I had the opportunity to officially meet and talk in length to this “shifty” person. She was great! Nothing like the person that I had conjured her up to be. I felt like such a horrible person for having judged her. I had to right a wrong. I did what I ask my clients to do – I asked myself why I passed judgment on a person that I had never met and why I felt compelled to share my opinion with someone else. I felt so horrible about having judged such a great person, that I had to take a look inside myself right away. I came home, found a quiet place and thought about what had happened and why. What happened was easy – I acted like a 5 year old. Why, was much harder. But, I dug deep, really deep, and eventually, the answers became very clear to me. First, I felt threatened by this stranger and wanted to put strategies in place to avoid her. What better way than to think terrible things about her? This led me to the answer of why I felt compelled to share this negative information with someone else. I realized that the person that I shared my opinion with was someone who I think is “better” than me. I think she is more successful, more connected and more respected. By me sharing “dirt” on someone that I knew she would eventually meet, it made me feel superior, as if I knew something that she didn’t. OH MY GOODNESS! What childish behavior! Now what? How could I have done this? Why would I have done this? I must be a horrible person! Eventually, rational thoughts prevailed, and I realized that I wasn’t an entirely horrible person. I had to learn from this mistake, make some changes to ensure it doesn’t happen again, and then move on to the hardest step, to forgive myself. Have you ever tried to forgive yourself when you know you have screwed up? It’s tough. It’s easier to just beat yourself up about it, find ways to comfort yourself and dwell on what a horrible human being you really are. To forgive, means first being aware. Being aware means taking a good look inside yourself. Looking inside yourself is work. Work takes time… I will never forget this incident, but that’s a good thing. I have learned a lot about myself from this mistake. I am now aware of a different side of myself that needs attention. I have made changes to avoid this from happening again. I have also corrected my mistake with the person that I shared my opinion with and have now finally, forgiven myself. We are humans. Humans make mistakes. Some big, some small, but they all have lessons attached to them somewhere. Pay attention to what happens and why. Look for areas to improve upon the next time. Most importantly, do whatever you have to do to forgive yourself. Without forgiveness, there is no freedom. This Month… 1. Make a list of all the things that you would like to forgive yourself for. 2. Beside each of these, write down the lesson learned from your mistake. 3. Then, write down what you will do to change the outcome next time. 4. Do whatever you need to do to forgive yourself and let it go. For those of you who do not yet know, Clyde and I are getting married on Sept. 13, 2008. I will be on my honeymoon for one week after the wedding, and will not be checking email or voice mail. I will also be changing my last name to his, which is Raven. So, for the last time, Warm Blessings to all, DEB FORTIER – Mentor for More Life Is What You Make It 204-257-4240 |
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Past Newsletters:
July 10th, 2008 - Who Are You?
May 29th, 2008 - Want More?
May 1st, 2008 - Joy to The World
March 24th, 2008 - Got Ego?
February 27th, 2008 - Another Relationship?
More Past Newsletters